in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
