and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
