In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
When did we convert life to cartoon?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
