I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
