nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
