At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
