I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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