Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Barsexuality is the new black.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
