how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Tornado booty call.. dedication
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
