if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I need help removing her.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
