I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
