i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
