wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
