Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
This baby is an asshole
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
