Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
