she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
