i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
