how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
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