So drunk, too bad you don't want this
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
