He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
