Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
His hands were made for my vagina.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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