It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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