It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
