he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
