why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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