I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
