Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
