There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
