I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
