We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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