they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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