I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
