well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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