I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
