I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
