I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
This baby is an asshole
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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