Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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