it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
