im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
kristin has been a bad kristin
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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