Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
