So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
