Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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