i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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