I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
