He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
