So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I said "one day" and that day is not today
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
