let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
So much rum. So many feels.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
