so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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