I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
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