whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
