Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
