8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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