I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
