we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
