fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
